My life, on occasion, sucks.
I don't know what it is, but the last few years it seems like every time I get my feet under me, every time I find some little, baby seed of positivity inside myself to attempt to nurture and grow, things conspire to knock me flat again.
I just can't seem to figure out why, or how to negate the damage done, or how to avoid it, or *sigh* anything. I don't know what I'm going to do. I've been operating without even the smallest safety net for a little over a year now, trying desperately to find something to hang on to, something I can use to build a new safety net. I just need more time to find it. Until then, though, I'm living on the edge. I have no savings any more. I'm literally living paycheck to paycheck. I can barely afford to miss a few hours a month and still (kind of, barely) meet my financial obligations. One slip and I lose everything I have left—which is pretty much only my car. I'm so, so close to having nothing but debt.
Anyway, I may have lost my job today. Surprisingly enough, I'm actually unclear on that point. My boss may have just sent me home early. I'll have to email her tomorrow (my normal day off) to find out. Either way, it's the beginning of the end. This job was always supposed to be a stop-gap until I found something full time, it's just I haven't been able to find that full time job, and now it feels like I'm out of time. I may lose everything before I get back on my feet again.
Maybe that's what's supposed to happen.
I don't know.
Things have got to turn around soon, right?
I don't know what it is, but the last few years it seems like every time I get my feet under me, every time I find some little, baby seed of positivity inside myself to attempt to nurture and grow, things conspire to knock me flat again.
I just can't seem to figure out why, or how to negate the damage done, or how to avoid it, or *sigh* anything. I don't know what I'm going to do. I've been operating without even the smallest safety net for a little over a year now, trying desperately to find something to hang on to, something I can use to build a new safety net. I just need more time to find it. Until then, though, I'm living on the edge. I have no savings any more. I'm literally living paycheck to paycheck. I can barely afford to miss a few hours a month and still (kind of, barely) meet my financial obligations. One slip and I lose everything I have left—which is pretty much only my car. I'm so, so close to having nothing but debt.
Anyway, I may have lost my job today. Surprisingly enough, I'm actually unclear on that point. My boss may have just sent me home early. I'll have to email her tomorrow (my normal day off) to find out. Either way, it's the beginning of the end. This job was always supposed to be a stop-gap until I found something full time, it's just I haven't been able to find that full time job, and now it feels like I'm out of time. I may lose everything before I get back on my feet again.
Maybe that's what's supposed to happen.
I don't know.
Things have got to turn around soon, right?
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