"Ordinary life does not interest me. I seek only the high moments. I am in accord with the surrealists, searching for the marvelous." ~Anais Nin

06 September 2017


First, I thought you'd enjoy the song.  I know I am.

Second, I got my computer issues worked out.  Turns out I needed a new cord.  The cheapest option.  Made cheaper by the Apple Store employee who helped me and replaced my cord for free due to the fact the cord that broke was relatively new.  How new, you ask?  Well, as I told the employee: "I don't know, I think I bought it last year."

Actually, I would have purchased a new cord.  I gave him my credit card and everything.  But his little hand-held credit card scanner died just as he was inserting the card.  He went to the back to get a new one.  Came back with a new scanner.  Fiddled around with it, then hemmed and hawed over something in front of me for a while.  Went into the back again.  Came back with a different box.  Had me sign a thing. and gave me a new cord.  Yay!

My computer just needs to last through me getting a full time job and paying off some debts.  Then I can get a new one.  Pray for me.

Third, normally I'd be at work right now.  Normally I'd be just one the front desk at the library, and looking forward to (1) a chance to sit down and play on the internet for a bit, and (2) interacting with my regular Wednesday night patrons.  I'd also be thinking of all the things I'd have to do when I got off desk at 7:00 and able to go back to my desk to do more of the work for which I was hired.  Normally, I'd be doing this.

However . . .

Man, I'm sick as fuck.  We're not really sure what I have.  Something akin to Strep Throat, but I tested negative for Strep.  At least on the rapid test.  But whatever it is, it's annoying as fuck.


This is not an illness that makes me think I'm dying.  I'm not in a lot of pain.  I'm not feeling particularly miserable (except boredom).  I'm stuffed up.  My throat hurts.  A little sore in the joints, but not too bad.  None of that is really bothering me.  It's cold stuff, you know?  Expected when you're sick, and not as bad as it feels like.

What's driving me crazy is that my uvula is swollen.  I can feel that little fucker drooping on the back of my tongue.  It's AWFUL.  So awful.  I feel like I'm going to choke on the damn thing.  It's hard to breathe, difficult to swallow, and feels really weird to lay down on my back (then I can feel it on the back of my throat).  But maybe the worst—though I didn't think this earlier today—is that I'm on a freaking liquid diet until it goes back to normal.

Now, I'm not exactly hungry per se, but I really, really, really want solid food.  I was not prepared, mentally, for this fast.  I want solid food.  I keep having to pee, and I have to "eat" like every two hours to keep from being ravishingly hungry.  I keep thinking of burgers or pizza or pasta or something that I can chew.  Something that will fill my belly.

It doesn't help much that my period's coming up and I'm always a bit anemic and craving red meat beforehand.

I'm so hungry.

I'm so bored.

I'm so hungry!

I'm so, so hungry.

I also want a cigarette, but that's another matter.  One that's haunted me since Monday.  (Only one day late).

I took a steroid to reduce the swelling, and an antibiotic for infection, and an order of a liquid diet until I can properly swallow without choking, and another order to skip work again tomorrow because I'll still be contagious.  And all I really want to do is eat and be around people.

This sucks.

Oh well, I'm going to watch The Lord of the Rings trilogy and try to convince my mom to buy me ice cream.  Wish me luck and a speedy recovery!

I really, really, really, really, REALLY, rRrEEeeAAAllYYYY want to eat tomorrow.

01 September 2017

Mercury in retrograde strikes!

Colors of Mercury 
Image Credit: NASA / JHU Applied Physics Lab / Carnegie Inst. Washington
Usually I don't notice the affects of a retrograde Mercury.  So much so, in fact, that I've been fairly skeptical of just how much impact the stars and planets have on our lives.  I just haven't seen much value in the study of astrology.  I'm less skeptical now.

You see, I'm writing this post on my kindle fire because my laptop is no longer taking a charge.  Yay!  As of yesterday my laptop battery is at 70% and, well, like I mentioned earlier, not charging.  I've an appointment to take it in on Tuesday and I'm really hoping that whatever is wrong with it is a relatively easy (and cheap!) fix.  I'd be writing on my parent's computer, but it died a couple of weeks ago (at the beginning of this retrograde, actually).  Double yay!

Hey, at least I still have my phone and my kindle.

Still, this sucks.  I really can't afford to get a new computer until I find a new job, and though my mom has basically offered to purchase a new computer for me I am just not comfortable having her do that.  She's old, she feeds me, and right now she's letting me live in her house for free (well, for access to my Netflix subscription, but you get the picture).  I'm a grown-ass woman and shouldn't have to rely on Mama for everything.  I mean, I do, of course, because no matter how grown I am I'm still broke as hell, but I don't like having to rely on her largess.  Here's hoping (1) my computer is cheaply fixable, and (2) I find that elusive full time job soon.  I really hate being such a burden.

As right now I have nothing better to do (it's really annoying trying to navigate the interwebs on my kindle and I've been trying to cut back on my phone time), I've been thinking about the details of my life.  Trying to find small changes I can make to it to improve it.  Well, that and looking at my previously broken vows and promises to myself, my friends and family, and the gods and spirits that I honor and occasionally make promises to.  Promises that, at the time, I fully intend to keep.  Unfortunately, that rarely works out.  I don't really know what happens, but somewhere in the middle of whatever it is I'm doing with those aforementioned vows and promises my attention gets lost and those promises get broken.  It's silly and stupid and careless of me, but it's also very, very human.  I mean, how many of us keep our New Years' resolutions?

That's what I thought.

Anyway, it turns out that most of my broken promises are things that I really, really want to do.  You know?  They're actions that would improve my life and maybe make me like myself a little more.  And a lot of it is simply stepping up things that I'm already doing or trying to do.  It's just s matter of taking those things a bit more seriously.

So I thought I'd do something like a "boot camp" for the month of September, and maybe jump start some of my longer term goals.  To that end, here's what I'm doing for the next 30 days:

  • Quitting smoking on the 3rd.  I actually picked the 3rd to do this weeks ago when I decided to finally and for real quit smoking.  It works out best for me because Labor Day gives me three days off work in a row, and I know from past experience that the first three days are the days when I'm most irritable and not fit to be around other humans.  This way I'm only going to be around family, and I'll be able to retreat to my bedroom when I find them completely maddening (which I will).
  • Yoga every day for at least 10 minutes.  Right now, as poor of shape as I'm in, I think 10 minutes is probably the most I can do.  My friend Leanne and I are participating in a challenge of some kind that she found on Instagram.  I promised her I would do this so I will.  Besides, I rather like yoga.
  • Walking every day.  This I actually started in July and managed to do almost every day for about a month (barring inclement weather, of course), until a series of storms drove me inside and I didn't pick it up again.  I was actually considering throwing in some jogging to get more of a work out, before ruining everything by sitting on my ass for the last several weeks.  So, I'm starting over from the beginning.
  • Finding an exercise that I can do indoors to replace walking when the weather is terrible, and adding it to my daily routine anyway.  I'm hoping to make whatever I land on for this a regular addition sometime around the middle of the month.  I'm thinking maybe 30 minutes of cardio step, since I have a step I got a few years ago.  It's time again to get some use from it.
  • Daily meditation, at least 10-15 minutes, to clear and organize my thoughts.
  • Daily language study.  I am determined to learn Irish.  Determined enough that I study on a fairly regular (though not daily) basis anyway.  I'm stepping up my studies!  If this goes well and I think I can handle it, I'm going to pick back up with Mandarin Chinese in October too!
  • Eating a healthier diet made up of real food that I cook/prepare myself.  Lately (as in the last several months/years) I've been eating nothing but highly processed crap.  It's ridiculous!  I'm not going to worry about calories or fat or carbs or anything like that, but I am making a commitment to eat more vegetables and fruits and food I prepare myself.  I'm also going to be watching portion control since I WAY overeat.  I do want to lose weight.  I am going to lose weight.  Plus, I've noticed that I think better (more clear, and less depressive) when I eat a healthier, more balanced diet.
  • Journalling.  Every day.  At least a page.
  • Properly cleaning my teeth every night.  I do this on a fairly regular basis anyway, and of course I brush my teeth every morning as well.  My "proper cleaning" includes brushing, flossing, and mouth wash.  Right now I sometimes go weeks without doing all three.  That's got to stop.  I am going to floss and use mouth wash every night this month.  I'm fairly certain I have 3 cavities right now, and I can't afford ANY until I get that elusive full time job and have dental insurance again.  I'm determined that my teeth don't get any worse until then.  (Another reason to cut back the sugar and nutritionally barren crap food.)
  • Weekly offerings and prayers.
  • Weekly tarot readings.  Did ya'll know I've been reading tarot for nearly 27 years?  I've let my practice fall to the wayside, mostly, I think, due to depression, but I've been feeling the need to pick it back up.  So I am.
  • Weekly and daily rituals.  Larger and small, respectively.
  • Practical magic. Just to help with my odds.
  • Write.  It's what I actually want to do with my life (career-wise) anyway.
  • And I have a loose goal of applying for 30 new jobs, but that really depends on the jobs that open up, you know?  Still, I need to apply for a significant number of jobs, even if I'm unsure of the exact number.  When I get my computer fixed I'll rebuild the database I destroyed in a fit of pique a few years ago as I closed on 1000 jobs applied for and denied me.

So that's it.  So far.  That's my list of stuff to do this month.  My little things to make my life better.  It's a nice mix of a continuation of things I've been doing, things I've been planning to do, and things I used to do and have wanted to pick back up.  I think they're small and doable and not overwhelming.

Wish me luck!