I really need to restart this blog.

Like, seriously.

Meaning . . . Less

Revisiting the Veil Nebula. ESA/Hubble [CC BY 4.0], via Wikimedia Commons
This image shows a small section of the Veil Nebula, as it was observed by the NASA/ESA Hubble Space Telescope.  This section of the outer shell of the famous supernova remnant is a region known as NGC 6960 or—more colloquially—the Witch's Broom Nebula. (Info copied from Wikimedia Commons, linked above).  Isn't it beautiful?

This winter has been hard.  Sometime around the beginning of December I hit a major downswing with my depression which I've not been able to claw my way out of yet.  It's annoying.  And it's so hard to deal with anything, do anything at times like this.  So that even though I know ways to deal, I can't freaking deal.  

What's left is to actually fucking deal.

Like I said, I know the ways to cope, to deal, to lift myself out of this hole, it's just so hard to get motivated.  Then you spiral . . . 

I need to recalibrate my brain.

So these are things help that I'm currently not doing because of weird brain stuff, but I do keep telling myself that I need to do them, and I have every expectation that I will be doing them at some point in the very near future:

• Sleep—my sleep schedule is all wonky, it has been for years.  If I can get myself on at least a semi-normal sleep schedule I will feel better.
• Drink more water—I let myself dehydrate when I get like this.  I forget to drink.  I need to remember to drink.  If I drink plenty of water I will feel better.
• Eat—when I'm in one of my slumps I am not consistent in my eating habits.  I may go all day without eating and then binge at night, or I may graze continuously throughout the day.  There are only two consistencies in my diet and those are overeating, and eating "foods" with absolutely no nutritional value.  I need to be more consistent with my schedule for eating and I need to eat actual food.  If I do this, I will feel better.
• Go outside—I haven't actually spent time outside since I quite smoking.  I need the sunlight.  I need the air.  I need the dirt.  I need the trees.  If I start spending more time outside, in the sunlight, I will feel better.
• Move—when I'm like this, I will sometimes only get out of bed to get food and go to the restroom.  I'll just lie in bed and and watch Netflix or Amazon Prime or DVDs on my computer.  If I get up, stretch, exercise, move around I will feel better.
• Take my meds—so, a little over a year ago I started a daily regimen of St. John's Wort.  It helped.  I had more energy, a more hopeful outlook.  I felt like I was healing.  In September I had to stop taking it while I was sick, so it wouldn't interfere with my antibiotics.  Since then, my regimen has kind of fallen apart.  I need to get back to it.  If I take my meds on a regular basis I will feel better.
• Socialize—I have a tendency to isolate myself anyway, but I practically become a hermit when I'm depressed.  If I make an effort to see and talk to people I like I will feel better.
• Interrupt—I get trapped on these loops of negative thoughts that end up reinforcing all the terrible habits I fall into when I get depressed.  In theory, I know how to interrupt these loops, these thoughts.  In theory, I can redirect myself towards something more useful than negative thought.  If I redirect my thinking towards positive thoughts I will feel better.
• Meditate—this is to train my brain to get better at interrupting my negative thoughts and finding a bit of peace within myself.  If I regularly meditate I will feel better.

If I do these things I will feel better.  I will feel better.  I will feel better.

A Future That Will Never Be

I'll add a picture when I'm back on a computer and not with winging it with a Kindle Fire and a prayer.

I wrote earlier about how I wasn't hired for the much better and more interesting position of Programming Librarian at my library.  It sucks.  It really does.  But them's the breaks.  It's fine.  Not only have I gotten used to rejection over the years, but I was expecting it.  I've said before that I'm not well liked at my library, and it's true.  And it's not that they (my bosses and suchlike) don't like me for personality reasons or because I either don't do my work or do it poorly.  No, I'm just overlooked most of the time. 

That's fine too, the overlooking of Amber.  I don't need anyone to hold my hand or pat my head and tell me what a good girl I am.  I enjoy working without supervision.  I like creating and completing my own projects, making my own rules.  The lack of acknowledgments can be irksome, but I'm terrible at selling myself and I know that, so I've come to terms.  That's one of the reasons why I've not been able to find a job.  It bugs me but I'm not that willing to change.  I hate to admit this, but I don't want it enough.

Don't get me wrong, I'd be excellent at it.  Passionate, driven, energetic, creative.  I like projects and that position would be nothing but projects.  We're renovating a new building and the new site has a huge, park-like side yard.  It also has a ton of meeting space and study rooms and the like.  AND a great maker space, complete with a recording studio.

I have this dream of a series of interconnected, intergenerational, and interdepartmental programs spanning years.  Programs that cement the library as a hub of the community, bring in money in the form of grants and fundraisers and maybe even advertisements, though we'd have to be careful with that last one because the library is not a place to sell things – the services should be kept free. 

My dream included a monthly or semimonthly podcast examining the people and the history of the community; library publishes books of short stories, biographies, poetry, etc by our patrons (and done for our programs); a community garden and seed library; plays staged in our park in the summertime possibly in conjunction with the high schools and colleges around town; we could have a farm animal programs and get people to bring their horses and the smaller, more petting zoo appropriate animals; we could do a story corps type thing where people record interviews with their loved ones; we could have a wall of art by local artists for sale and for display.  We could do a thousand thousand things that I have up in my brain, but we can't.  At least, we can't do my things, because I didn't get the job and I'm not going to do anymore programming, not after this spring and I've finished with the programming I already said I'd do.

It's not petty, or not entirely.  It's more a matter of labor and being paid for it.  I'm part time, hourly and doing a ton of work off books for the library with the planning, preparations, and implementation of these programs.  I don't work enough hours to have enough time to do this at work, at least not and still do what I was hired to do.  Needs must, and I'm very against any unpaid labor.  I am worth something, you know?  I deserve to be paid for my labor.  Even if I sometimes give it away for free because I'm excited about something or I'm trying something out, or I think it'll pay off in the long run.

Now, it's not worth it for me.  Now, I'll just focus on doing my job really, really well and managing my money and some of my own projects that with a little skill and a lot of luck will afford me a living.  The big thing is, these projects will be mine and no one else's.

I know I've been down on my luck lately, what with not being able to find a job, but I think that may be because I've been following other people's plans for me.  I never wanted any of this.  I'm chasing a dream that was never mine because other people convinced me that mine was impossible.  Shit, I'm done listening to other people.  The boring future of the really good, but completely unfulfilled librarian died as it was born.  I'm going to try to live for me and my dreams for myself.  Maybe then I'll actually be living rather than being stuck in this fucking limbo like I have for the past 15 years.

Farewell to the future that never will be from a girl who never was.

Movement: a Post in 8 Acts

via Giphy

First: Happy October everyone!!!  This really is the best month.  Cool nights, warm (but not hot) days.  No one looks at me funny when I display my witchy accessories.  Halloween.  It's all just fabulous.

Second: As of today I've gone four full weeks without a cigarette.  I'm super excited about it!  Seriously.  I've been trying to quit smoking for years and I've never been this long without before.  I won't say I've kicked my addiction, but I'm pretty sure I can refrain from here on out.  Yay!

Third: Still no luck on the job front.  Hiss!  I continue to rethink my desire for a real job.  I mean, I need one.  Desperately.  But as job after job passes me by, I become more and more convinced that it's never going to happen.  So I need another option for making a living.  So I need to start actively pursuing other options for making a living.  It's going to be hard and I'm terrified that I'm going to fail, but what other options do I have?  And until I succeed in my "other option" I need to continue applying for real jobs.  Blah.  I hate that life's so complicated.

Fourth: Moving the odds on the job front in my favor a bit is the fact that my local county library system is opening up a new branch and will have LOTS of jobs open for application at the end of the year.  Also working those odds is the fact that the city library for which I work will be having a number of full time jobs open up at the end of the year due to retirements.  Possibilities abound!

Fifth: Despite the fact that I just ate nachos made by my younger brother, this month I'm focusing on cleaning up my diet.  I really want to feed myself a mostly plant-based diet of minimally processed foods, you know?  I feel better when I do.  Plus, I want to lose some weight.*  I'm also thinking of starting intermittent fasting for spiritual purposes, but I haven't decided on that yet.

Sixth: I've decided to go deeper into my spiritual and magical practices.  Actually, I've been working on this for the past few months and I've come to something of a crossroads.  Now it's time for me to take the next step** and start actively becoming who I want to be.  So I'm taking a greater, more active*** hand in my life and recovering much that I've lost to depression these past almost two decades.  I will no longer sit on the sidelines of my own life.

Seven:  Even though I'm basically broke because my uvula thing last month caused me to lose nearly a week's worth of work and thus a week's worth of pay, I managed to come into some spending money today so I purchased the Samhain Ritual Vault and some Flying Ointment from Skelton Key Shop.  I'm pretty excited about it, and already have plans for use.  The bath bombs in the Vault won't do me any good since I don't have a tub, so I'll gift them to friends that do.  But everything else will come in very handy.  I'd like to subscribe to Moon Box as my two best friends also subscribe to it, but I'm not confident I can afford it right now.  Maybe next month.

Eight: My memoir writing class starts this Tuesday!  I'm prepared.  Mostly.  I'm excited.  Also extra hours mean extra pay in November.****


*Okay, I want to lose a significant amount of weight, but "some" will do to start.
**This is the overall theme to my life right now.
***I guess the keyword here is "active"
****Yeah, I only get paid once a month.  Have I not mentioned that before?

Mercury in retrograde strikes!

Colors of Mercury 
Image Credit: NASA / JHU Applied Physics Lab / Carnegie Inst. Washington

Usually I don't notice the affects of a retrograde Mercury.  So much so, in fact, that I've been fairly skeptical of just how much impact the stars and planets have on our lives.  I just haven't seen much value in the study of astrology.  I'm less skeptical now.

You see, I'm writing this post on my kindle fire because my laptop is no longer taking a charge.  Yay!  As of yesterday my laptop battery is at 70% and, well, like I mentioned earlier, not charging.  I've an appointment to take it in on Tuesday and I'm really hoping that whatever is wrong with it is a relatively easy (and cheap!) fix.  I'd be writing on my parent's computer, but it died a couple of weeks ago (at the beginning of this retrograde, actually).  Double yay!

Hey, at least I still have my phone and my kindle.

Still, this sucks.  I really can't afford to get a new computer until I find a new job, and though my mom has basically offered to purchase a new computer for me I am just not comfortable having her do that.  She's old, she feeds me, and right now she's letting me live in her house for free (well, for access to my Netflix subscription, but you get the picture).  I'm a grown-ass woman and shouldn't have to rely on Mama for everything.  I mean, I do, of course, because no matter how grown I am I'm still broke as hell, but I don't like having to rely on her largess.  Here's hoping (1) my computer is cheaply fixable, and (2) I find that elusive full time job soon.  I really hate being such a burden.

As right now I have nothing better to do (it's really annoying trying to navigate the interwebs on my kindle and I've been trying to cut back on my phone time), I've been thinking about the details of my life.  Trying to find small changes I can make to it to improve it.  Well, that and looking at my previously broken vows and promises to myself, my friends and family, and the gods and spirits that I honor and occasionally make promises to.  Promises that, at the time, I fully intend to keep.  Unfortunately, that rarely works out.  I don't really know what happens, but somewhere in the middle of whatever it is I'm doing with those aforementioned vows and promises my attention gets lost and those promises get broken.  It's silly and stupid and careless of me, but it's also very, very human.  I mean, how many of us keep our New Years' resolutions?

That's what I thought.

Anyway, it turns out that most of my broken promises are things that I really, really want to do.  You know?  They're actions that would improve my life and maybe make me like myself a little more.  And a lot of it is simply stepping up things that I'm already doing or trying to do.  It's just s matter of taking those things a bit more seriously.

So I thought I'd do something like a "boot camp" for the month of September, and maybe jump start some of my longer term goals.  To that end, here's what I'm doing for the next 30 days:

• Quitting smoking on the 3rd.  I actually picked the 3rd to do this weeks ago when I decided to finally and for real quit smoking.  It works out best for me because Labor Day gives me three days off work in a row, and I know from past experience that the first three days are the days when I'm most irritable and not fit to be around other humans.  This way I'm only going to be around family, and I'll be able to retreat to my bedroom when I find them completely maddening (which I will).
• Yoga every day for at least 10 minutes.  Right now, as poor of shape as I'm in, I think 10 minutes is probably the most I can do.  My friend Leanne and I are participating in a challenge of some kind that she found on Instagram.  I promised her I would do this so I will.  Besides, I rather like yoga.
• Walking every day.  This I actually started in July and managed to do almost every day for about a month (barring inclement weather, of course), until a series of storms drove me inside and I didn't pick it up again.  I was actually considering throwing in some jogging to get more of a work out, before ruining everything by sitting on my ass for the last several weeks.  So, I'm starting over from the beginning.
• Finding an exercise that I can do indoors to replace walking when the weather is terrible, and adding it to my daily routine anyway.  I'm hoping to make whatever I land on for this a regular addition sometime around the middle of the month.  I'm thinking maybe 30 minutes of cardio step, since I have a step I got a few years ago.  It's time again to get some use from it.
• Daily meditation, at least 10-15 minutes, to clear and organize my thoughts.
• Daily language study.  I am determined to learn Irish.  Determined enough that I study on a fairly regular (though not daily) basis anyway.  I'm stepping up my studies!  If this goes well and I think I can handle it, I'm going to pick back up with Mandarin Chinese in October too!
• Eating a healthier diet made up of real food that I cook/prepare myself.  Lately (as in the last several months/years) I've been eating nothing but highly processed crap.  It's ridiculous!  I'm not going to worry about calories or fat or carbs or anything like that, but I am making a commitment to eat more vegetables and fruits and food I prepare myself.  I'm also going to be watching portion control since I WAY overeat.  I do want to lose weight.  I am going to lose weight.  Plus, I've noticed that I think better (more clear, and less depressive) when I eat a healthier, more balanced diet.
• Journalling.  Every day.  At least a page.
• Properly cleaning my teeth every night.  I do this on a fairly regular basis anyway, and of course I brush my teeth every morning as well.  My "proper cleaning" includes brushing, flossing, and mouth wash.  Right now I sometimes go weeks without doing all three.  That's got to stop.  I am going to floss and use mouth wash every night this month.  I'm fairly certain I have 3 cavities right now, and I can't afford ANY until I get that elusive full time job and have dental insurance again.  I'm determined that my teeth don't get any worse until then.  (Another reason to cut back the sugar and nutritionally barren crap food.)
• Weekly offerings and prayers.
• Weekly tarot readings.  Did ya'll know I've been reading tarot for nearly 27 years?  I've let my practice fall to the wayside, mostly, I think, due to depression, but I've been feeling the need to pick it back up.  So I am.
• Weekly and daily rituals.  Larger and small, respectively.
• Practical magic. Just to help with my odds.
• Write.  It's what I actually want to do with my life (career-wise) anyway.
• And I have a loose goal of applying for 30 new jobs, but that really depends on the jobs that open up, you know?  Still, I need to apply for a significant number of jobs, even if I'm unsure of the exact number.  When I get my computer fixed I'll rebuild the database I destroyed in a fit of pique a few years ago as I closed on 1000 jobs applied for and denied me.

So that's it.  So far.  That's my list of stuff to do this month.  My little things to make my life better.  It's a nice mix of a continuation of things I've been doing, things I've been planning to do, and things I used to do and have wanted to pick back up.  I think they're small and doable and not overwhelming.

Wish me luck!

Time Running, Running Time

by Sandstein [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Time is a funny thing.  It ties us up, swirls around us, and moves constantly on, on, ever on and back. We can't escape it—to do so we would cease to be as we are.  We would cease to be.  Keeps us spinning, time does.  Spinning round and round and round.  Constantly moving, trying to escape the past, the future, our inevitable deaths.  Perhaps just trying to escape.  Time also finds us trying desperately to hold on to the past even when it would be healthier to let it go.  And trying desperately to grasp a future that may never be.  It pushes and pull us.  It tears us apart and brings us together.  It both heals and causes wounds.  Yeah, it's funny alright.  Funny and tragic and oh, so human.

Sometimes it feels like I've always been trying to escape.  What?  I couldn't say.  I don't really know.  There are a lot of things about myself I don't know.  A lot of things I'm not sure I ever knew, and maybe more that I've lost over the years.  Of course, there's also things that I know but I just can't access any longer.  And things that I know, but I can't admit.

How much of my life is time-locked?  How much of myself will I discover or rediscover in time?

Discovering and rediscovering myself is part of what I'm trying to do this year.  Figure out where I want to be and how to get there.  Figure out who I am and who I want to be and how to reconcile the two.  How much time will this take me?  How much of me will time take?  My whole life, is the likely answer to both those questions.

I suppose it's time to start working.

In which I obsess over my inability to afford to buy a human skull on a whim

By Sklmsta [CC0], via Wikimedia Commons

I'm going to tell you a secret (that is not so much a secret):

I really, really, really want to own a real human skull.

It's not that strange.  It's not!  Lots of people want to own the skulls and bones of humans and other animals.

So I want a human skull.  Preferably male, and also, I think, Asian.  Why male?  I don't know.  Like I seriously couldn't give you a reason on that.  But Asian?  That's because I've been looking at skulls and reproduction skulls online and the ones that appeal to me most have been Asian.  Weird, right?

African and European skulls are attractive as well, but for some reason male Asian skulls appeal to me the most.  The next most attractive skull, at least to me, is the female European skull.  Again, I couldn't tell you why.  Maybe I'm just weird.  The skull in the picture here was formerly a male European, for reference sake.

Now, I am neither skilled nor educated enough to look at a skull and tell you what race or sex the person was.  I say I find male Asian skulls the most attractive only because the skulls that have appealed to me have turned out to be male and Asian.  Read from that what you will.

I will probably never buy a skull for two reasons:

1) Skulls are expensive!  And I don't have enough money for necessities, let alone an extra $2000+ to spend on human remains that will likely end up being a really morbid dust catcher.

and

2) I don't know that I'd get along with whatever bit of spirit remains with, well, that bit of remains.  And I don't think I'd be able to cleanse the skull of its spirit, you know?  Don't know that I'd have the heart.  Don't know that I'd have the skill.  And I don't know that you'd be able to get a spiritually neutral skull.  I mean, I'd like a spirit tied to the skull, but one I called rather than one that came with it.  

Which is why if I ever get a skull, I'll probably end up buying a museum replica—and, really, I'm most worried about the money.  Speaking of which, Bone Clones offers these adorable scaled down skull replicas.  They fit in your hand!  Also, much cheaper than a full sized replica, and much, much, much cheaper than a real skull.  I want the set.

Maybe someday I'll be able to afford to buy a real human skull, one that is complete with mandible and teeth.  I hope so.  Maybe not.

Per aspera

Towards tomorrow

The Kansas state motto is "ad astra per aspera," it roughly translates: "to the stars through difficulty."  The motto itself is a variation of the more common "per aspera ad astra" which, again, roughly translates to "through hardships to the stars."  Rather beautiful, no?  I've always felt that there is a lovely amount of hope in this motto.  Hope, and a certain amount of confidence.  It is the best of state mottos, I think.  Of course, I'm a born and bred Kansas girl, a natural-born Jayhawker (think of the historical meaning here, not just that I'm a KU alumna), so I may be a bit biased.

I learn Monday whether I still have a job and I'm not feeling optimistic about it, which is too bad because I need that job.  I really do.  Just for a bit longer.

In general, I think, I am an optimist.  Yeah, depression gets the better of me sometimes, but I've never quite lost the hope of something better.  That's what keeps me alive.  I've never been much one for suicidal ideation because I believe that things can change for the better.  I believe that I can find a job or otherwise make a living for myself.  I believe that there's a chance I can find love, though I've not dated for several years.  I believe, truly believe, that things aren't always shit.  Evidence to the contrary be damned.  Somewhere inside of me there is always at least a candle's worth of hope.

Is that because I've internalized the Kansas state motto?  Made it my own?

I don't know.  I don't really have any answers here.  I wonder if anyone does.

I'm not sure what my future holds.  I don't know where I will find another job.  I don't know when.  I hope soon.  My little world is falling apart right now and I am afraid.  But I also know that I'll be okay.  At least while my candle's still lit.  I'll make it through.

I just really, really hope things in my life will get a little easier soon.  

My life's a bit of a tangle: an update

Rat King preserved at Museum Mauritianum in Altenburg, Germany
 [GFDL or CC-BY-SA-3.0], via Wikimedia Commons

Isn't that a nasty photo?  I love it.  I'd say it's a good visual metaphor for my life right now, but that's totally not true.  The picture above reminds me that, yeah, I'm tangled up, but I'm not gross.  I am not made of rats, nor am I dead and somehow, disgustingly, preserved.  So that's awesome.

I mostly made it through my first week of no television or streaming.  Mostly.  I broke down Sunday night and watched the movie Mascots and two episodes of The Gilmore Girls on Netflix.  Still, not bad, all things considered.

I had a couple of bad nights and one bad day.  Friday was horrible, but mostly because I somehow strained my back the night before and was in pain.  Much pain.  I really don't recommend straining or otherwise hurting your back.  Saturday and Sunday night though were the worst.  Saturday was fine while I was at work, I was still a little achy, but everything was manageable.  When I got home, though, it was all dark thoughts and despair.  I had to go for a long muttering walk* to burn off my anger enough to sleep.  Sunday was much the same, as evidenced by my last post—rewritten several times to not sound quite so insane.

Mostly, I'd count last week as a success, and will continue with my moratorium on TV and the like.

There are a few things that I realized about myself during this week, and those are:

1. I need to learn how to deal with my mental scratches.  You know how when a record is scratched, the needle jumps, and it will sometimes play the same few bars over and over and over again?  My brain does that.  I'll get on this track–generally thinking of something unpleasant–and my mind will replay the same thoughts over and over and over again.  Driving me to rage and despair.  To continue the metaphor, I need to find some healthy, non-destructive way to interrupt that cycle, and move on with my song.
2. I am WAAYY more aware of myself when I'm not watching TV.  This is a good thing.  I eat less and healthier.  I don't let myself dehydrate.  I notice what I'm doing and thinking more.
3. I have a seriously fucked up sleep schedule.  I can probably blame this on my retail experience.  You haven't known misery until you've had a schedule where you close one night at midnight or 1AM, and are expected in the next morning at 7AM to open.  I did crap like that for years.  Now I'm not working retail, but I am working mostly evenings.  It doesn't matter what time I go to bed the night before, left to my own devices I won't wake up until after noon.  I have to set 2 or 3 alarms to be up at 8AM on Saturdays.  This needs to change.  So for the next several weeks I will work on resetting my internal clock, and waking up and going to sleep at decent, not college student/retail worker hours.
4. I am not nearly physically active enough.  I need to get up and get moving.
5. I freak out when I don't have access to the internet.  It doesn't matter if I'm planning on using it or not, the second it's out I'm desperate to get it back.  Thursday night out internet went out, resulting in one such freak out.  I had planned on joining one of my best friends for tea, a walk, and a gab session, but when I got home I discovered the outage and cancelled it all while I desperately ran around the house trying to fix it.  Turns out our wifi router needed to be replaced.  We got the internet back on Friday, but my Thursday night plans were shot.
6. It's easier to zone and not think about things.  Of course, that's how I got so tangled in the first place.

So that's it.  In the coming weeks I will be working on changing my sleep schedule and learning how to deal with my brain when it decides to go on a maniacal repeating cycle.  Oh, and finding a job.

My language studies are going well.  I can't say that I can actually say anything, but I'm on track.  I think I mentioned this last post, but in two weeks I'm planning on slowing down on the Irish and picking Mandarin back up.  

Also, I'm going to try to write a story worth reading, hopefully before this month ends.  We'll see.

*A muttering walk is one in which I walk and talk to myself to work out my problems.  I may or may not also make angry gestures at the air.  I look like a madwoman while doing it, but it makes me feel better.

Plans for the coming days

Meditation by Moyan Brenn

I quit Facebook at the beginning of summer.  I missed it like mad for the first week, but now I don't really care one way or another.  That got me thinking, and I recently decided to call a moratorium on all my other social networking sites until the start of 2017.  Though, if you follow my Instagram you may still be able to catch a photo or two of my cats now and again between now and then.  And you can always find me here—I do plan on picking back up with Poetry Wednesday again this week, and hopefully adding some more content of one type or another.  But my other sites?  Nah, they'll be cold.

Actually, after spending some time soul searching, I plan on doing more than that.  I'm cutting myself off from most other forms of mass media too: television, Netflix, Amazon Prime, et cetera, et cetera, several blogs and news sites, and every form of video game from my brother's new PlayStation 4 to computer solitaire are all getting cut from my life for the next several months.  Maybe forever.  I'm just tired of it all, you know?  They're huge time sucks for me—used to avoid doing things that I want to do but are more difficult than laying around and staring at a screen—and I don't really get anything out of it.  I don't even really enjoy it.

So, I'm cutting my screen time.  By a lot!  I plan on only using my computer to apply for jobs, write, and to study languages (Mandarin Chinese and Irish).  There are a few blogs that I follow that I'll continue to check in with, but only once a week.  And, of course, I'll still be using a computer at work.  I'm a librarian, 90% of my job seems to be looking something up online for someone.

I think of these things as small changes, but I think they'll have a big impact on my life.  I think they'll lead to bigger changes, but who knows?  Though, I imagine I'll find myself with a great many hours of free time soon, and I hope I can use that constructively.  I hope to use it to transform my life into what I want it to be, as soon as I decide what, exactly, that is.

I deleted most of the apps from my phone a few days ago, and found that, like Facebook, I don't really miss them.  I spent the day–aside from while I was at work–away from both the TV and the computer, and I think this can work.  I'm actually looking forward to rediscovering the real world.

Wish me luck!